Happy Thanksgiving

It's Junior year now and I'm pretty happy this year. I've come out of my bubble and I'm living again! ahaha. Today is Thanksgiving and I can feel the holiday spirit. It feels more like Christmas than Thanksgiving. :O I used to be pretty creative during my sophmore year (during my "depressed" days). Now I'm just...plain. All the creativity washed away this year. :( Whatever.
I'm starting to be closer to some friends and farther apart from others. It makes me sad, but what is there to do? Man, it's Thanksgiving and I'm on the computer. Anyways I'm thankful for a lot of things. Too lazy to list them out.

Jewels aren't valuable.

I'm still hating my life which I really wished I didn't. Sometimes, I feel so lonely and it feels as though I'm drifting away from my friends. I can't laugh and smile with them like I used to. Not caring what anyone thought about me. I was so carefree. What happened? I wasn't so paranoid about my friends hating me, but now I am. Stressing out. It really just makes me miserable. Maybe I'm being to selfish. It feels that I want to be the center of attention. I think I got too used to it. Everyone thought I was funny, I was nice, all that stuff. I'm trying too hard to please them, be nice to them and yet, it feels that they're just using me. I always feel like moving to Malaysia. Maybe I should have stayed there to study. Start a new life.
Also, I'm being so lazy in my academics. I'm not trying. I just don't know what I'm going to do in the future. I sometimes get the fear of failing. Regretting everything and wishing that I should have worked harder during high school. I keep telling myself that and yet, here I am doing nothing to change that.

You have those Jewels in your hand, but they're useless. How will it help me?
Money? Greed ruins the heart.

Silver

I'm kinda hating the way I act. I hate how I bring people down and how I get annoyed at certain people. Sometimes I sound so retarded in front of people and it's just like "okay?" Sometimes it feel as though I can't relate to people, I can't talk to people. I'm just some awkward person trying to bring up a conversation. Sometimes, I feel like running away and go somewhere where no one else will be there. Just me and that acre of land. Then I don't have to talk to anyone, I don't have to make fun of people, I don't have to listen to the rude remarks people give me, I don't have to get mad at anyone. It'll just be me and God and maybe some animals. Live till the day grows old.
I just feel so...useless. I don't want to die of course. I still want to experience life that God has given me, but right now, everything is going wrong. But I still have to know that everything will be alright because God is always with me. Even right now. I can feel his spirit; trying to comfort me and telling me that everything will be alright. I do hope everything will go back to zero.
Pray and living is the only thing i can do right now.

Bottles of Water.

It's all bottled up inside and I can't seem to write it out.

Courvoisier

There's this girl I know and she's not that very nice. I mean to her friends she is, but when it's someone else, she seems to give you the cold shoulder. You're not like one of them and you don't look cool so I don't like you. I always asked myself, why are we like this. Why do we always stay in our comfort zone and judge people automatically? I was glad she was Christian, but she really didn't act like that. Well I don't have the right to say that, but at least try to be more, how should i say this, mature? I don't tend to hate anyone, but I just dislike how people act like that.
Just spilling my thoughts out, couldn't take it anymore.