Now, how do I love God and His word?

im awake in the wee hours of the morning. Im listening to the most indie of indie music. Wearing a faded light blue button down with an american flag pin. My ombre hair, square framed glasses. Thinking about life.

What a hipster.
Is this really me?

Thoughts

Frank Ocean's right, no matter how lonely I feel, in reality, I'm not alone at all. It's just at this moment, at this time - I feel alone. I feel behind. I lack the mind I yearn to have.

8 months later

Wow, I was so happy with college. But my emotion is still the same even till the end with of course, some changes. Its 3:22 AM right now and I'm stuck with my summer school. I'm pretty angry at myself. Why does this class feel so hard for me? I hate when I'm complaining, but this is usually the only time I do. I'm going to read this again and feel disgusted at myself. ahah. 3rd quarter is probably going to be the most vivid quarter of my life, but then I only had 1 3rd quarter but whatever. I remembered that God was going to do something in my life. I thought AACF and Edge would help my faith grow, but something was missing; no matter how many times I read the bible, I didn't know who God is. I can't say I know God now with this bible study, but my eyes are opened. But it's weird that I'm here...learning this "revealed word." It did make my 3rd quarter really hard. I took more units: 17. always woke up early and slept late. I couldn't stand looking at people and life. I don't remember the last time I felt so alone. It's weird to wonder what goes on in people's minds. I tell them "you should really do this bible study!" "yea sure." Imagine if someone said that exact thing to me; I would be like totally! but of course, that's me. I wanted something more - I wanted to understand. But do I really understand? Is it only just in my head. Where's my body? I don't know how to live as a Christian anymore. I don't know what to do, how to live my faith walk. I asked Sarah teacher today. She did somewhat explain it but I feel so separated from the world. I know Writing 39C will not go well. I havent done a single assignment since that Introductory Blog and I read the prompt; I'm stuck. It's supposed to be self explanatory. I think I'm overlooking the simple question its asking me. I'm here, waiting. I wish I didnt think of myself so much. This is so bothersome. God, I miss you. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just standing there. I literally am in the Middle of Nowhere.

A New Life.

I'm in college now. A college student. I can't believe I'm here now. At UC Irvine. Living in a dorm with a roommate. It's been more than 7 months since I last updated my life here on blogger. So many things happened in the past 7 months,too. My faith was all over the place and now it's slowly going up. My relationships with people as well as my outlook on life have changed. I do miss High school a little. Feeling young and being with the people you love. School dances. Homework that help your grade out. How nostalgic.

But I do love college. It's different. New. My roommate is awesome. We're so alike it's crazy. I'm meeting the right people and I'm loving the Christian fellowships here; everyone is so loving and on fire for God. They want to know you, God! It's amazing. Also, I couldn't have ask for any other hall than Estrella. They're the best. Everyone is so understanding of each other. It makes my heart melt. Sure there are drama here and there, but I'm glad it's not too extreme.

Today, I ate lunch with a core from my Edge small group and I'm so grateful that God put these leaders in my life. They're so loving and have so much wisdom. God I can really see you in them. Dinner with the small group was great. I love my Edge & AACF small group. They give me hope.

Bad case of the Uglies

My knees need to GET BETTER! D:<

damn school.